Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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