you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
