Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
