I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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