Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
