I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
