Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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