In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
