I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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