Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
