My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
