I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
