a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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