Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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