a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
