I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
