Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
