So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
