He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
