Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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