I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
