O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
