cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
accomplished twins. life is a go
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
