mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
