it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
