She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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