Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
