8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
