I should be sponsored by Trojan
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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