i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
