We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it glows. i had to have it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize
