google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
