she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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