I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
