when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
