Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
