All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
