i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
