He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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