Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
