You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
