her vagine was all disorganized.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
