I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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