At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
