i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize