at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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