Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
