ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
