i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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