im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
