I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
