So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
