found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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