she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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