I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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