Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
