You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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