i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
