I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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