I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
