I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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