why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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