and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
