Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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