definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
