she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
