I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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