And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
