I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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