oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
