4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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