he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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