Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
