So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
