she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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