Kiss
Puke
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
