It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
