i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
