I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
