so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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